For what feels like weeks. I tidied out my old bedroom and found four kitchen knives, a length of rope and old bloody bandages in the drawer under my bed, which lead to my psychiatric inpatient stint last year.
I think I’ve come full circle.
ужас.
Sorry, I’ll get around to answering questions a little bit later today - I’m tired and I have to go for my blood test now. 
I slept eleven hours last night. I woke up, went to Sociology and came home - after which, I went back to bed and slept for another five hours. It’s now nearly 8PM and I’m considering going back to bed, because I’m just so exhausted.
On the upside - yeah, it means I’m not eating! I don’t particularily feel like eating with this monster headache that I’ve got going on, but there’s an upside to everything, eh?
Day total - 0 calories
It’ll get me out of dinner at least, which is yet again obscenely late. However, I am exhausted as heck - I’m not sure what’s happening with me at the moment, but I’m fully capable of sleeping 18 hours a day.
Day total - 54 calories
I am so pissed off. I was ready to get up and storm out eventually, but after fighting for what seemed like a lifetime she ordered me a blood test for various bits. She just kept asking the same questions and she just didn’t listen.
I have to go back in a week to get results, the blood test is on Thursday. I am going to see a different doctor and get a second opinion next week, regardless of what the results say.
These were delicious. I ate half for breakfast, and half for lunch - which is usually a little more than I’d allow myself, but I adore strawberries and they were a gift from my boyfriend. What a star. <3
Breakfast / Lunch - Strawberries - 200g - 54 calories
Day total so far - 54 calories.
For the people who have contacted me in regards to seizures, or the people who have answered things I left in their ask box in states of confusion.. thank you. I’m going to the doctor in two hours and I’m terrified that she won’t take me seriously. If she doesn’t, I’ll go and get a second opinion. I’ll let you know how it goes. 
nothingisbetterthanthin asked: Hey, I'm a new follower. You'll probably laugh at this since I'm younger than you, but seriously, take care of yourself, please. Congratulations on coming SO far, your willpower is phenomenal <3 but, like, the seizure thing? That's serious fucking shit. I'll pray for you, because I figured maybe your parents would've taken you to the ER, but then I read they were drunk. I don't know what that's like, drunk parents. I have never seen my parents drunk, ever. A little tipsy or maybe extra-laughy, but not drunk. I'm honestly concerned about you, because if I started having seizures, my parents would jump on my ass like a fucking frog. Just, please, take care. Add more calories that come from healthier foods. Like, the fruits your bf gave you and your apples and tangerines. I'm such a hypocrite, but honestly if I could go back on what I've done to myself, I'd do it in a heartbeat. You're in my prayers, and once again, congratulations sweetheart <3
Hey darling! Thanks so much for the follow. :) I’d never laugh at something someone says just because they might be younger than me, especially not if they’re telling me to take care of myself. I wouldn’t laugh at someone for caring. I appreciate it- I am touched, truly.
I want to clarify quickly that my parents aren’t always drunk; they’re not alcoholics, they were just having a nice evening, I suppose. My mother was a little concerned, but she seemed to have forgotten about it soon after. I’ll be honest - and this isn’t easy to say - but a tiny part of me resents them for not taking it more seriously.
You’re very lucky that your parents are so protective, even though I’m sure sometimes it must really grate on your nerves. ;) Thanks again for caring so much - if you ever need someone to talk to, I’ll be here for you. And thanks for your congratulations, too.
<3 xoxo
I was TERRIFIED to travel alone just in case I had another seizure, but I was relatively sure it wouldn’t happen seeing as the little ones I experienced recently were all roughly a week or so apart. They’re thankfully not too common.
I had a lovely day. We’re both busy tomorrow, so we had our Valentine’s day today. Neither of us have any money, so it wasn’t anything special - we spent a lot of it in bed, hugging, chatting, and watching bad TV and silly movies. It was magical.
Being the darling he is, he gave me-
Strawberries, which I’ll have for breakfast tomorrow - because I don’t like chocolate but I LOVE strawberries. And they even came in a heart shaped container. :D
And-
This rose, which is now sat in a vase on my dresser. Perhaps I’m only saying this because I only got one rose, but I do find receiving only one flower sometimes more powerful than a bunch.
Very cliché, but I love it. I also love that he bought me a baby watermelon and carrot sticks, which I may have at lunch time tomorrow or the day after.
I weighed in at 127lbs this morning - eee! Today has been a pretty good day. Obligatory fruit photos so you can see what I’ve eaten (I’m ALMOST out of apples and tangerines now, only one of each left!!) -
Apple - 52 calories
Tangerine - 36 calories
Day total - 88 calories
iwillbefree-iwillbeme asked: About the seizure thing... hun, you REALLY need to see a doctor. People can die from seizures. YOU could die from a seizure. And the fix could be something as easy as an IV to hydrate you. PLEASE consider going to the ER, or at very minimum go to a GP, like, NOW.
Hey dear - the thing with the seizures is that the little ones happen once or twice a week, but they seem to have been getting worse. Honestly, I was terrified and wanted to go to the ER, but my parents were too drunk to take me and I didn’t think I deserved or warranted attention from an ambulance.
The amount I drink, I’d be shocked if I were dehydrated, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it were related to a deficiency of some kind.
I’m going to the GP tomorrow afternoon whether that means booking an emergency appointment or not, and I’ll report back on what she says. Thanks for caring, I really appreciate it… :)
